I forgot to mention on Halloween, I was supposed to keep Pearl in the bedroom, while Carol gave out candy to the kids. I had trouble operating the TV and had to ask for help several times. Carol got frustrated because the doorbell would ring and she had to keep going back and forth between me and the kids. She finally realized she was not going to be able to pass out the candy and help me at the same time. She gave up passing out the candy and had me do it instead. She was disappointed because it’s something she enjoys doing and was unhappy that she couldn’t have one night of uninterrupted time to participate in Halloween.
Recently, we were going to see a performance in Kirkland. It was dark and rainy of course. Carol had come from work in rush hour traffic already and she found the driving to be difficult. I said we could go home, but we continued. She said she didn’t like being the driver all the time. I said I wished I could do it. My sense of direction isn’t good. I can’t see the street signs well. I can’t read maps. I didn’t get directions. Carol ending up feeling like the chauffer. I responded to her expressions of frustration by saying, “I know” repeatedly. She told me that wasn’t very helpful.
We had had dinner together before the show. Carol had been talking about her work. I thought I had been being supportive. She said she didn’t feel like I was actually interacting. I argued back a little, saying I thought I was being present. She said, “When do I get to say how I feel about my experience and have you accept it?” I told her I was sad there has been a loss in my listening ability, because that used to be a strength I prided myself on.
The present moment is full.